she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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