Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
