are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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