I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
