I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Terrible idea I love it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
