people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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