Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
