So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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