lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Porn is love you can see.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
