somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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