i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
