listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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