cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
