Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
