Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
