haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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