White coat. Heels.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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