like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we made out on top of his cat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
