3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
