I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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