Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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