I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
