I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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