Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
