I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
