i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
