omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
