before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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