i would punch a child for taco bell
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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