I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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