I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
