Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
