Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
