id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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