my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
