Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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