I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We left the knife in your bed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
