I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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