I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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