i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
