And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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