my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
