wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
