I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize