we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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