This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
