if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
