Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
