but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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