Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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