so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
