just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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