my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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