i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
