I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
