Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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