I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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