Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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