Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You made out with two different species that night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
