Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
