His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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