How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
