Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
