we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
