My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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