youre lurking in front of me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
