I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
