The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
