I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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