Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
