it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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