He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
