I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
