bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
