she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
