theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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