I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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