I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
