i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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