i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize