Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
