I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
