How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
