it wasn't lemon gatorade
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize