Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
