You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
