Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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