can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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