Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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