I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
