Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
