I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
