I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
