i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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