how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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