I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
