You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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