Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
