Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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