god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
