I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're like the curious george of whores
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
