he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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