i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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