Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
