i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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