Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
