They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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