ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize