I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
