your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
