She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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