we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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