Porn is love you can see.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
