if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
