He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
