She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
