Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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