consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
