I have demons in me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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