oh god the rape fog is back!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
