People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
