Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
