I think scott just propositioned me for sex
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
