I think I won the penis lottery.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
