He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
