Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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